Welp, I finally watched Dawn of Justice. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but it wasn’t great. I kind of liked Batfleck, but otherwise there were SO many things that didn’t make sense, even with a good dose of suspension of disbelief. But I’ll save my comments for now. BEHOLD! TWO MORE CRITTERS READY FOR SAN DIEGO COMIC-CON!!
Batman vs. Superman. One is powered by the yellow sun, the other is a man of the night. Superhuman vs. human. Foreign vs. domestic. Based on Donald Trump’s campaign there’d probably be cries to boot Kal-El off this planet. One way or another it’s a battle for the ages. Sure, we all know Superman can fly, has super strength, super hearing, everything that you’d expect a super humanoid alien to have. And we all know that Batman is a vigilante with crazy ninja skills, lots of fancy tech, and a keen sense for sniffing out bad guys in Gotham. But how do they measure up in the battle of LIFE?
ROUND 1: Cooking.
Well, it looks like Superman’s country upbringing has taught him to be a self-sufficient man who can hold his own in the kitchen. Lois Lane’s a lucky girl.
“I FOUND SOMETHING IN THE GROUND. EAT IT.”
Dude. I get that you usually rely on Alfred for this sort of thing, but this is just sad.
ROUND 2: Paying bills.
Superman: Journalism doesn’t pay very well. Looks like the Daily Planet doesn’t do Clark Kent any favors financially speaking.
Batman: CASH MONEYYYYY. Bills? DONE.
Round 3: Coping with trauma.
Superman: Even though he’s got all sorts of superpowers, Clark Kent would probably still see a therapist and talk things out if things really got out of hand. He’s pretty good at acting like a regular human being and dealing with stuff like a regular human being.
Batman: ….uh. I’ll…uh…let you work this out.
Who wins in life? It’s hard to say, but I think we can all agree that Superman could use some of Bruce Wayne’s cash and Batman could use some of Clark Kent’s emotional stability. Otherwise I’d say they’re both managing their civilian lives decently well. They’ve made it this far, so I’d say they’re doing fine. Otherwise both of these little guys will be coming with me to San Diego Comic-Con! Find them and they’re yours!
As for the movie: I had low expectations already, so in those terms the movie was better than I expected. Visually the movie looked great. Ben Affleck as Batman was much better than I expected, and I loved Jeremy Irons as Alfred. But there were still so many things that were SO STUPID. Even as a casual movie watcher there were things that just didn’t work. Spoilers to come:
Just a few (okay, maybe more than just a few) things that bothered me:
- Are Batman’s parents dead? ARE THEY? Are they dead, guys? I wasn’t sure. Oh wait, more replays of mommy and daddy Wayne dying. And shots of Sad Bruce visiting his parents’ mausoleum. Because Batman is SAD. SAAAAAAD. I think they’re dead. I think.
- WHAT WERE THEY FIGHTING OVER?? The entire premise of the movie is this big epic fight between two iconic superheroes. For two guys who are pretty big on delivering justice and recognizing the good guys from the bad guys, they seem to be pretty pissed over a little bit of trolling by Lex Luthor, in addition to the general “Nyah, I hate that guy!” silliness. Two kids fighting over lunch money on a playground seem to have a better reason for pummeling each other than these two grown-ass men do.
- Lex Luthor: No. Just no. Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor was basically Mark Zuckerberg deciding that he wanted to be the Joker without the makeup.
- Superman’s selective super hearing: Superman can apparently hear Lois Lane’s cry for help all the way across the globe in Africa and swoop in to her rescue within seconds, but he can’t hear his own mother within the same city. Okay.
- The “Martha” moment: I wanted to facepalm so hard at this point. If you’ve got a grudge so bad that you’re ready to commit murder, I find it ridiculous that discovering that your mommies have the same name will suddenly make everything okay. “Oh your mom’s name is Martha too? HIGH FIVE BRO. We’re cool now.”
hal DrogoAquaman’s short cameo: I know I’m being nitpicky on this one, but if you’re going to show a short cameo with the purpose of teasing a bit of hype for upcoming movies, you should get it right. I don’t know much about Aquaman, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he’s a man of the sea and therefore should navigate water like nobody’s business, right? With all that CGI you’d think they’d do more to make Aquaman look a LITTLE more fluid and natural moving under water. Jason Momoa clearly looked like a dude holding his breath while he awkwardly struggled against the water pressure to jab his trident towards the camera. Come on now.
- Wonder Woman: They made such a HUGE deal about Wonder Woman showing up. There was so much hype. So much excitement. So much disappointment. Gal Gadot didn’t get a lot of screen time and the movie did nothing to present Wonder Woman as being remotely interesting or significant to the story. Anne Hathaway didn’t get much screen time in The Dark Knight Rises but the writing and her acting NAILED it at presenting Selina Kyle as a smart and self-sufficient woman who was always a few steps ahead of Bruce Wayne. I was one of the people who originally had doubts over Anne Hathaway being Catwoman because I thought she would’ve been “too Disney” for the role, but I was delightfully proven wrong. This was not the case with Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman. Ugh.
Needless to say, I wasn’t impressed. It wasn’t Star Wars prequel-bad, but it wasn’t good either. Let’s hope the future movies are better. Otherwise keep an eye out for my two little playground fighters at San Diego Comic-Con!
If you want to join my hunt for crocheted critters at San Diego Comic-Con this year, follow me on either twitter or facebook to track my drops! I just ask for two things if you find a critter: 1) Send me a photo of your new friend! 2) Let me know where the little buddy’s new home will be! Good luck, and happy hunting!