Even though I’m a self-professed Christmas grump, I kind of like new year’s eve. If you’ve had a good year, it’s a good chance to look back and reflect on the good times that were had and to hope to continue the trend. If you’ve had a bad year, it’s a convenient time to give it the middle finger and tell the universe that you’re going to move on to bigger and better things. 2018 started out rough. I made the difficult decision to end my marriage, became an emotional wreck, isolated myself, had to learn to trust people all over again and most of all, had to learn to trust in myself all over again. I had to accept that sometimes you’ll put your all into something and it still won’t get you results, but at least you can walk away knowing you tried. I had to trust that even if shit goes down, life will go on, and guess what? It’ll all be okay. It’s all going to be okay, but it’ll only be okay if you make the effort to make it so.
I gave myself time to grieve, time to wallow. Crocheting didn’t feel as fun anymore. I tried to fill my schedule with as many things as possible, anything, just to get away from the emptiness at home and the reminders of what was now gone, or reminders of things that I had found out too late were never there to begin with. Then things got better. I started rebuilding my home (in a figurative and literal sense), and slowly started rebuilding my life. My friends and family have been incredibly supportive and loving, and I started to take chances on myself. I’d try new things, some of them worked out, and some of them didn’t and that was all okay. It was all about figuring out what would work for me and what wouldn’t. Eventually I took the plunge to take my first solo trip to Portland, Oregon, and as a result it set off a series of amazing solo travel adventures in the months to come. I met new friends and reconnected with old ones. I developed better care habits for my health. I went to San Diego Comic-Con as I do every year, but I was feeling a bit anxious about going without the same people I’d been going with for all these years, but I quickly found a new tribe and we’ve all continued to hang out back home in Houston and have continued to get into nerdy hijinks ever since.
I’m finally growing back into my own skin after feeling myself fall away, and it feels pretty fucking good. 2018 started out rough, but it turned out to be the reset button that I never knew I needed, even if it meant going through a bumpy ride starting out. If you’ve had a great year, rock on. If you’ve had a shitty year, tonight’s your chance to tell 2018 to fuck off, things can and will be okay, but it’s all about what you make it out to be. Thank you, 2018, for kicking my ass and teaching me to grow. 2019, I can’t wait to see what you bring my way. Be good to each other, and happy new year to everyone out there. ❤️