You want a porg?? Make your own!

Man. If there’s one thing I’ve learned since my last blog post, it’s that y’all really, REALLY like porgs. They weren’t my favorite, but I didn’t hate them either, so I made one since so many people suggested it for Comic-Con. And holy hell did that open a can of worms. My top-liked post on Instagram EVER was when I posted up this little Christmas porg over the weekend.

At any rate, you want a porg? You got it. But you gotta make it yourself. BEHOLD! THE SACRED PORG PATTERN! For the low, low, price of free fiddy. You can find it HERE. Make all the porgs so I don’t have to! Have fun, and don’t forget to tag me if you post photos of your work! Happy hooking everyone!

EDIT 1/5/2018:

Since I’ve had several people ask (and thank you to everyone who gave me that courtesy!): I don’t mind if you sell finished products from the pattern as long as you credit back for the design, either by tagging me in your social media posts or linking back to the pattern directly! Please do not sell or reproduce the pattern itself. Happy hooking!

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May the porg be with you.

EDIT: Porg pattern is up and running here!

OKAY OKAY I MADE A GODDAMN PORG. It was probably the single top suggested critter that I should make for Comic-Con this year, and I held out until I watched The Last Jedi first. And you know what? I’m not feeling the porg love. Sure, they’re kind of cute, but if I found one nesting in my spaceship you can be sure I’d chase that sucker out. I get enough problems with birds nesting in the vents of my house, ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat. INVASIVE SPECIES, I SAY. But I made one anyway because I like you guys. ❤

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Stupid little penguin hamsters.

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I AM PORG HEAR ME ROAR.

Otherwise I liked the Last Jedi. I didn’t LOVE it, but I liked it more than Rogue One, but not as much as The Force Awakens. I know there’s been loads of debates of over everything that happened in the movie, but either way I think it did its job, which was to set up the next movie installment. Otherwise here’s my thoughts:

AHOY! SPOILERS AHEAD!!

SPOILERS ABOUND!!

  • Overall I felt like there was too much happening and yet not enough? Too many subplots, and within that some of the subplots dragged on.
  • I thought it was hilarious how the first interaction between Luke and Rey was Luke taking his light saber and essentially saying “fuck this thing” and tossing it over a cliff.
  • Loved the interactions between Rey and Kylo Ren. Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver were great at creating the tension and conflict between (and within!) their characters without resorting to over the top declarations or random shouting matches. One of my favorite moments between the two was when Rey quietly tells Kylo how she’s never felt more alone and he tells her “you don’t have to be.” Looking forward to seeing more of these two interacting in future movies.
  • The sentient brussels sprout came back! It was nice seeing Yoda again. 🙂 BUT….unpopular opinion time: as much as I enjoyed seeing Yoda’s return, I didn’t think it was necessary to the movie. THERE. I SAID IT.
  • Loved the entire casino scene in terms of visuals, but I felt like it could’ve stopped after they met Benicio del Toro’s character and skipped out on the “escape on alien horses” chase entirely.
  • Holy shit, that silence when Holdo sacrifices herself for the rebellion! Chills.
  • Sad to see Luke gone, but it was a good final exit. Loved the casual shoulder brush after Kylo tried to blast him into a pulp, and I especially loved how he drove in the whole “You think you’re cool?? I’m your uncle and don’t you forget it” sentiment, even at the very end. UNCLE LUKE STILL WINS.
  • Thank you, Captain Salty, for informing us all that the planet has salt on the ground. For no reason whatsoever. Salt. Cool. Thanks.
  • RIP Captain Phasma. 😦
  • I loved that when Kylo revealed who Rey’s parents were, it was exactly as they’d advertised all along: nobody. Shitty parents who sold off their own daughter for booze money. Given there’s a possibility Kylo could be lying, but I’m hoping it stays true. I feel like it’d give a much better start to Rey as the newest generation of Jedi and it allows all of her upcoming accomplishments to be her own, and not because of some sort of fancy bloodline.
  • I’m totally team ReyLo. They need each other, they understand each other more than anyone else in the world, but they can’t work together. At least not yet. 😉

END SPOILERS.

Otherwise this little pocket porg will be up for grabs at San Diego Comic-Con in July! Find him and he’s yours to keep. Please take him off of my hands, I don’t need a swarm of these around my house.

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If you want to join my hunt for crocheted critters at San Diego Comic-Con this year, follow me on either twitter or facebook to track my drops! I just ask for two things if you find a critter: 1) Send me a photo of your new friend! 2) Let me know where the little buddy’s new home will be! Good luck, and happy hunting!

The Geeky Hooker

…a league of their own?

I know, I know, I’m a month late on this, but hey, life gets in the way. One way or another more critters are here!

Justice League. I’m not sure what I expected. I already had low expectations because DC hasn’t had a great track record with their recent movies (with Wonder Woman being an exception), but I felt the need to see Justice League out of some strange obligation because I’d already seen all the other movies leading up to it.

I really didn’t want to keep comparing it to the Avengers. But man, it was SO HARD not to constantly think of what the Avengers got right and what Justice League got wrong. Without spoiling the movie, I feel like the movie actually made me realize how flawed the entire idea of the Justice League is to begin with. But I’ll put in my detailed commentary below after the pictures. Critters will still be made, because at least the characters still have a long-running legacy that won’t be ruined by just one mediocre movie. 🙂

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First up, Superman! And oops, spoiler alert, SUPERMAN COMES BACK. Because as much as the studio tried to suppress that super-obvious fact, yes, he does show up in the movie. Otherwise the man of steel has been a constant companion with me at Comic-Con for the past seven years, and he’ll be coming with me for an eight round!

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“I’m rich.”

Next: the rich dude with major abandonment issues. Batman has also been a constant critter at SDCC from the first year that I’ve been doing my critter drops, and he’ll be joining Superman in the 8-year club this coming summer!

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And uh…dammit, I missed him again. This guy’s fast. REAL fast.

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There he is! The Flash is a new addition to the critter line up! I loved Ezra Miller as Flash in the Justice League. He added a fun “rookie superhero” element to it all, very similar to Spider-Man in Captain America: Civil War.

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He was a fun addition to the movie, and hopefully he’ll be a fun new addition to my critter drop lineup!

Otherwise here are my more detailed thoughts on the movie:

AHOY, THERE BE SPOILERS!

SPOILERS AHEAD!!

Okay, there were SO MANY things wrong with the Justice League movie. And really the more I think about it, the more I get pissed off that DC just can’t seem to get their shit together to make all this work. So just a warning that this is really going to be more of a rant.

  • …why did they need Aquaman? They spent so much time on Aquaman’s refusal to join the team. Storytelling 101 dictates that if you’re going to focus that much on the conflict, the payoff in the end better be pretty big. When the final “battle” came, he did nothing relevant to his powers. They couldn’t have conveniently put a CGI river somewhere? A kiddie pool? Anything?? Why would you showcase Aquaman if you’re not going to put him near ANY sort of body of water?
  • Also are Atlanteans only capable of speaking to each other in air bubbles? They’re water people. They can’t…talk through water?
  • All the heavier-hitting jokes that people would’ve laughed at were in the trailers and TV spots. The only gag that wasn’t revealed in the trailers or promo clips was the whole thing with Aquaman sitting on Wonder Woman’s lasso of truth. Whoever is cutting the trailers and TV spots, please stop doing this.
  • So….you just had to scare Steppenwolf and the parademons would’ve turned on him because they could smell his fear? And you made him fearful by…destroying his axe? Just…what?
  • Relevant to the fear thing: if it’s already been heavily established that the parademons can smell fear and wreak havoc based on this, why were they completely ignoring this terrified Russian family that the movie felt the need to focus on?
  • WHAT’S THE POINT OF A JUSTICE LEAGUE IF IT TURNS OUT SUPERMAN CAN DO EVERYTHING? The entire premise of the movie turned into “Batman collects all these people with special powers just to hold us over until Superman gets back.” I get that the entire scene with Superman taking out the rest of the Justice League upon resurrection was supposed to remind us all how powerful Superman is, but to me it only showed how useless everyone else was in comparison. The only character who had abilities that Superman didn’t already have was Cyborg. And maybe Aquaman’s fish-talking abilities, but clearly no one needed that shit. The entire Justice League could’ve been reduced to Superman and Cyborg. This is what I mean when I say that this movie actually showed me how flawed the idea of the Justice League is to begin with. I hate making comparisons to the Avengers because I really want to see the two as separate entities, but the thing that makes the Avengers an actual team is that each character has their own abilities and limitations, and together they complement each other and help each other out when they need to save the world. The Flash is fast? Welp, so is “faster than a speeding bullet” Superman. Wonder Woman is super strong? So is Superman. Aquaman can talk to fish? Superman can’t do that, but he can zip through water and save entire cruise liners from going under. Superman is too omnipotent to effectively create a team without it seeming like “Superman and his lesser minions.”
  • Just give the movie to Patty Jenkins.

END SPOILERS.

The thing that’s so frustrating about The Justice League is that it had everything set up for it to be good. They’ve got a huge budget, they’ve got iconic characters already to start out with, and the cast is full of charisma – Ezra Miller seems like a genuinely excited geeky guy, Gal Gadot’s become a Hollywood darling thanks to her work as Wonder Woman, Henry Cavill is oozing with good looks and charm, and Jason Momoa is the kind of guy who could hype up a chess tournament, and yet somehow the movie STILL fell flat. You can have all the best ingredients in the world with a top-notch recipe, but you still can’t expect to bake a good cake by throwing everything into a bowl and thinking it’ll all magically work out. The Justice League starred the top three most iconic superheroes known in history and DC somehow still couldn’t make it work, while Marvel has been working with characters that people didn’t give a damn about and instantly put them on the map in everyday pop culture. Before Marvel kickstarted their current movie franchise, the only thing I knew about Iron Man was that he was a dude in a flying robot suit. The only thing I knew about Captain America was that he was some guy in a goofy-ass ‘MURICA! outfit with a shield. I had zero clue who the hell Star Lord was or why there was a raccoon involved. And yet all of these characters are now considered household favorites. I grew up far more with Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman than I ever did with any of the Avengers, and yet these are the characters that keep disappointing fans over and over again. I’m probably taking it more personally than I should, but it hurts a lot more when it’s your childhood favorites that are being repeatedly dragged through the mud. DC, please do better. For all of us.

My own salty views on the movie aside, I’ll still have three little members of the Justice League in tow with me at San Diego Comic-Con this summer. Find them and they’re yours to keep!

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If you want to join my hunt for crocheted critters at San Diego Comic-Con this year, follow me on either twitter or facebook to track my drops! I just ask for two things if you find a critter: 1) Send me a photo of your new friend! 2) Let me know where the little buddy’s new home will be! Good luck, and happy hunting!

The Geeky Hooker

 

STOP. Hammer time!

Thor: Ragnarok: LOVED it. Easily in my top 3 from the Marvel cinematic universe. It’s like they studied Guardians of the Galaxy, extracted all the parts that made it great with surgical precision, and upgraded all of it into a fantastically fun movie while giving Thor a great reboot to his character. Thor has been my least favorite standalone character out of the entire Marvel cinematic universe, but Thor: Ragnarok was so freaking fun that it’s brought him solidly back onto my radar. Loved seeing Loki’s return, loved seeing Doctor Strange for a little bit, loved Valkyrie and the Grandmaster, loved loved LOVED Korg, but if there’s one character I wished we saw more of, it was Hela. So I made a critter. 😀

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My sister is back and you’re gonna be in trooouble,
He-laaaaaa, He-laaaaaa, my sister’s back!”

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Hela, goddess of death, certified badass, and well, she definitely doesn’t like sharing her toys. To the point where she breaks her little brother’s favorite one. Booooo.

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I LOVED her look. Making the headdress was kind of tricky, but I managed to figure something out with some craft foam.

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She may be the goddess of death, but she’ll sparkle in just the right light! All the reference photos I looked at showed her headdress being a beautifully subtle mix of black, green, and gold. I tried to replicate that as best I could without it looking too showy.

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And guess what? She’ll be coming with me to San Diego Comic-Con 2018! My first critter for SDCC 2018 is officially done! Find her there and she’s yours to keep! Otherwise here’s my thoughts on Thor: Ragnarok:

SPOILERS!!

AHOY! THERE BE SPOILERS A’COMING!!

  • Can we talk about what a shitty dad Odin was for a minute here?? First he failed to tell Loki that he was adopted. But we still saw him as good ol’ noble Odin for some reason. Now you’re telling us that he had a daughter who became one of his biggest sources of support and power for his campaign to create an empire, and then when she got “too ambitious,” instead of trying to talk things out or find some other way to use her potential, HE LOCKED HER UP AND ERASED ALL MEMORIES OF HER? And then he didn’t bother telling his other two sons until she breaks out? “LOL I forgot to tell you guys, you have a sister and she’s coming to wreck shit up. Have funnnnnn.” Goddamn Odin, you really suck at parenting.
  • Short hair Thor > long hair Thor. There. I said it. The haircut is hot. ❤
  • Minor pet peeve: where the hell did all that ammo come from in Skurge’s guns in the end?? I’ll chalk it up to some Asgardian upgrades or something.
  • The Hulk calming down after seeing Black Widow was cheezy. Meh.
  • I really wanted to see more of Hela. She came in guns blazing, but we didn’t get to see much else from her. Loved Cate Blanchett in the role, it’s a shame we didn’t get more of it.
  • A few wonky CGI jobs here and there, but otherwise visually speaking it looked fantastic. I LOVED the shot with the valkyries battling Hela.
  • There were SO many good moments in this movie. From Thor’s spectacularly awkward story about Loki turning into a snake, his quietly bewildered utterance of “what the hell?” as he’s being transported to meet the Grandmaster, ALL of Korg’s lines, Bruce Banner heroically leaping from the quinjet and then falling flat onto the bridge…seriously great pacing and loads of great gags to keep things moving.
  • Lots of fakeouts from the trailer, and in a good way! Sometimes you watch a trailer and then you walk away from the actual movie thinking “wait, what the hell, none of that was there.” This was a case where the trailer fakeouts all worked out to be pleasant surprises.
  • Korg. I know people keep saying we need more Korg, but I’d argue that we had the PERFECT amount of Korg and it was amazingly hilarious. I’d love to see Korg in future movies, but only if they sprinkle in just the right amount like they did here. He’s definitely a treat that is best used in moderation.

END SPOILERS.

I had loads of fun making Hela, and I’ve already got a preliminary list of what critters I’ve got in mind to make for SDCC this year! Critter making season has begun! Let the fun begin!

If you want to join my hunt for crocheted critters at San Diego Comic-Con this year, follow me on either twitter or facebook to track my drops! I just ask for two things if you find a critter: 1) Send me a photo of your new friend! 2) Let me know where the little buddy’s new home will be! Good luck, and happy hunting!

The Geeky Hooker

 

You’ll float too. YOU’LL FLOAT TOO.

When it comes to horror movies, I’ve got a VERY narrow range between what I enjoy and what I can handle. Slasher films? Meh. Dark and twisted narratives with a few scares peppered in? Love it. SUPER twisted shit that’ll make me lose sleep for months? Nope. NOPE. Bottom line is that I’m still a big ol’ chicken shit. I’ve grown to enjoy horror movies more, but all the horror movies I’ve watched have been at home, with friends, and with one light on somewhere. But the trailer for the “It” remake intrigued me enough. I wanted to see it because it looked good. I DIDN’T want to see it because it looked good.

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“I’m every nightmare you’ve ever had.”

I’d never watched the original miniseries in its entirety before, so I thought I’d make up for lost time and fully watch the original before watching the remake. It’s pretty dated now, but one thing that doesn’t change is how FREAKY Tim Curry was as Pennywise the clown.

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It’s not every day where a look of horror is the EXACT reaction that I want out of a critter I make. 😀

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That red nose would be kind of darling if it weren’t for the whole “eating children” thing.

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Pennywise could use some fashion advice, but on the other hand his outfit is nailing that whole “creepy ass sewer-dwelling murder clown” look.

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One thing that was surprisingly difficult for me to find was the balloon. That damn balloon. I was planning on getting a little plastic balloon cake topper and calling it a day, but I couldn’t find one instore ANYWHERE. I tried looking for other alternatives, but in the end nothing beats the real deal. Turns out inflated water balloons did the trick perfectly.

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As for the new movie: it was my first time seeing a horror movie in a theater. And it was FUN. Turns out horror movies are the one exception where it’s permissible to speak in a theater, because goodness knows there were plenty of times where I involuntarily uttered “oh HELL NO” at the screen before something happened. I won’t be stepping into a theater to watch The Conjuring anytime soon, but I’ll definitely be looking forward to It: Chapter 2. Until then this little guy will be around to terrorize me from my shelf!

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“We allll float down here.”

“Börk börk börk!”

I’m still feeling stunned from Harvey last week, and I wasn’t even directly affected by the storm, but the sooner I can get back to your regular crochet programming, the better! Please continue to donate and help out, and for all you folks in Florida and its neighboring islands, please stay safe in the face of Irma!

You know all those super cool photos in my book Literary Yarns? The clean and stylish page layouts? The formatting of the patterns? The pre-order campaigns that were rolled out? I can’t take credit for ANY of that. When I wrote Literary Yarns, I was fortunate enough to have an amazingly helpful team of folks from Quirk Books to help me through the process and do a lot of the heavy lifting for me. I wrote the patterns, the how-to instructions, and I shot the step-by-step photos in the tutorial sections, but everything else? It was all done by some amazing people. Once the book was out I knew I had to make thank you critters for everyone involved with the book. I’ve already posted some of the thank you critters I’ve made on my social media accounts, but there was one that I still needed to make, and that was for my editor Tiffany. She kept on insisting that working on Literary Yarns with me was good enough, but I kept insisting back that she should pick something. And it just so happened that her pick was also one of my favorite characters:

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“Börk börk börk!”

THE SWEDISH CHEF. I FREAKING LOVE THE SWEDISH CHEF. It always slightly freaked me out that he had these creepy normal human hands, but I still loved him with his nonsense gibberish and his chaotic “cooking.”

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“Heer we håv de choppy chop!”

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“Und heer we håv de chicky! Güd chicky. Tåstee chicky.”

Looks like that chicken’s going to be in some trouble. SAVE YOURSELF, CHICKEN-FRIEND.

And here are the other thank you critters that I’ve made!

Photographer Mike wanted an Alec Guinness Obi-Wan Kenobi:

Editor Blair wanted a fangirl from the cover of the Fangirl’s Guide to the Galaxy:

Designer Andie wanted a Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls:

Designer Molly wanted a little Glenn Danzig:

And publicist Kelsey wanted an 11th Doctor:

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Literary Yarns couldn’t have happened without all their help, and I can’t think of a better group of people to work with on my first published work!

And just one more plug (with good intentions!)…if you enjoyed seeing my Swedish Chef, maybe help out a food-related cause by donating to the Houston Food Bank! They’re always doing good work around town, but they’ve especially been beefing up their efforts since the storm hit. Feed some folks who need a hot meal, and save some lives. The Swedish Chef thanks you!

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F*ck you, Harvey

I’m safe, my friends and family are safe. My parents are now in a mandatory evacuation area, but otherwise so far so good. Hopefully it stays that way.

I’ve been extremely lucky during this storm. I’ve had some street flooding, but none of it entered my home and I never lost power or running water. I was supposed to go in to work over the weekend, but once the storm started coming down, I couldn’t have made it in if I tried. The Texas Medical Center became entirely inaccessible. Most of the city was entirely inaccessible.

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Many of my co-workers at the hospital I work at ended up stuck and became the ride out team, unable to go home for days. Thankfully they’ve finally been able to go home, and I’ve been called back into work. Continue reading